yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
