college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
