i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
