just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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