I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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