yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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