well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
