If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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