Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
