well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
