I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
