I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So vagazzling was a success
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
