This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
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ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.