the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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