I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
