we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
