Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
