I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize