forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so much tequila, so little girl.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
