you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
