My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
