its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
