it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
