fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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