Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
