"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
