I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
