Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
