I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
