I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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