You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
