I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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