So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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