I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
