I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
