So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
