i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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