I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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