careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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