I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
