break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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