my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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