I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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