Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
