here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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