we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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