So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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