I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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