I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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