you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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