we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
