all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
