...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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