Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
