Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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