im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
