I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
