Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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