I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
