Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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