i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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