When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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