I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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