I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
