some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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