i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
