I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
