I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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